Inner Child Therapy – Loving the Child Within

Inner Child Therapy is about discovering your own true self. Deep inside you is your inner child - the small child that you once were. All the things that happened to you as a child are held as memories within your subconscious mind. Thoughts and beliefs in your adult life have roots in your childhood, they are learned behaviour, and as such were determined by the culture you lived in and your parent’s belief system

Sometimes as a child we develop unrealistic fears, or untrue beliefs about ourselves, I’m not good enough, I’m stupid, It’s all my fault, I’m unlovable, etc. Only you know how your childhood has affected you, maybe there’s shame, guilt, self-blame, or relationship issues. You are a unique individual and your perception of your experiences affects how you behave and how you think and feel about yourself.

To a young child their parents are their gods and gods can do no wrong, therefore when our parents fail to be perfect, the child perceives it to be their own fault. When parents argue or divorce the child tends to blame themselves even though this is not logical from an adult point of view.

As a mother I sometimes look back and cringe when I remember some of the things I said to my children and the unrealistic high standards I expected from them. In hindsight I would have done things differently, but babies don’t come with an instruction manual and parenthood is often a trial and error process.

Most parents love and care for their children, but the way they put these messages across is influenced by the messages they received from their parents, how they feel about themselves, and their cultural beliefs.

The brain of a young child doesn’t have the capability to reason and accepts everything at face value. If, for example, little Gillian is constantly told by an exasperated mother/carer/teacher she is stupid, as the conscious mind of a young child is not developed fully enough to censor any negative ideas, Gillian’s subconscious mind, working on a pattern of recognition, automatically accepts the belief - ‘I’m stupid’. The idea then becomes an integral part of her belief system and consequent behaviour, ie she won’t stretch himself to her full capabilities as she is restricted by her limiting belief that she is stupid.

Positive memories, as well as traumatic events, any form of abuse, emotional, physical or sexual, all contribute to you forming your beliefs about yourself. What is important about past events is the meaning and resultant beliefs that you created from the experiences.

By releasing negative patterns, shocks and traumas, and building on positive memories your inner child starts to feel nurtured, loved and supported. In following the pathway of change the adult is able to discover, accept and love their true self.

Our beliefs about the World and about ourselves
create the behaviour
to create the reality
in which these beliefs come true.